The Tobaggan…

Ok, so a couple of ya’ll know but I decided to write this blog about a couple of the nuances of living on a military base; overseas no less. I figured that I would try and lighten the mood somewhat, and not be so heavy because this really ain’t that bad! Anyhow, as most of ya’ll are aware I’m living in a tent with anywhere from 40-60 other doods! So just for the laid person, that’s about 200-300 other smells that aren’t my own!! I mean imagine going hiking all day with 50lbs of gear on your back, meanwhile there is no cover and it’s a balmy 90 degrees most days!! Oh, and you only do wash about once a week! So you can imagine what some of these guys smell like after a long patrol! That’s not to say that no one showers, cause everyone does…it’s just there are some odors you can’t help or get rid of….especially in your pack! So you have the bodily smells, and then it’s time to go to sleep! Some of you know that I’ve been known to saw a couple of logs and even frame up a house as I sleep, but this is nothing compared to the noises that permeate throughout the tent at night beginning around 9pm or so. The best description I can provide is the 3 stooge’s episode where they’re all snoring, each in their own little way. If you haven’t seen this episode, I would recommend looking it up on you tube! The big top (tent) is quite a thing to experience! You not only have many civilian contractors, but young servicemen and a sprinkling of older servicemen who appear to be reservists? It makes for some interesting nights, but it is home and for some odd reason I’ve grown accustomed to it! All I’m wondering is when I get out of here, and get my own house if I’m gonna have to put revelry on continuous play when I go to bed at night?!?! I guess that only time will tell!

That’s pretty much the atmosphere of the tent, but that ain’t all…we’re merely scratching the surface….unfortunately! Almost directly across the street from my tent is what is called the MWR (Morale Wellness, and Recreation) or the gym! The MWR, affectionately known as the clamshell (because of its similar shape) has a theme night every night of the week. I especially enjoy hip hop night, or as I like to call it….”wake up every 15 minutes night because my head is bouncing from the base shaking the tent!” In case ya’ll couldn’t tell, there was an aire of sarcasm to that! But seriously, the clamshell has a karaoke night, a country night, a salsa night, you name it…chances are they have it! I must say that it is pretty cool to see that the Army thought enough to put something like this together for the troops! Pretty cool if you ask me! Well, other than the fact that I haven’t had an uninterrupted night of sleep in over 2 weeks! I guess this would be something like my preparation for the day if I ever have kids??

Enough about the tent, on to what I consider to be a unique thing to living overseas on a military base….the bathrooms! Some of you may know, but Bagram used to be an old Soviet base way back when until it was taken over as a NATO base that is mostly run by the Air Force. The bathrooms were built back in what I assume was the early 2000s/ late 1990s, in that their relatively new but with all the moisture and climate, it makes for a quick withering away of the facilities! The bathroom is usually located in the bottom of a connex box (think of a container compartment on a ship), with another connex box stacked on top it for the shower room. Generally, there are about 3 urinals, with 4 toilets in the bathroom and about 6 showers on the 2nd floor. Pretty normal if you ask me until you have to make a #2. To look at these toilets initially you would think that you have to straddle the toilet because of where the water drains. In the states, the drainage is at the back of the bowl closest to the mechanics of the toilet. Oh and there is water in the toilet in the states…..NOT HERE! Once you get over the straddle, you wonder how things will make its way down the bowl??? Well, my friends this is where the “toboggan” comes into. Before you “sit” you make what’s called a TP Toboggan. This involves laying down some TP in the bowl so as to make for a smooth transition to the sewage tank! I gotta say that it is a fine innovation of foreign ingenuity, but at the same time….why didn’t they just put the F’N drainage at the back of the bowl??? I just don’t get it! If all this weren’t enough, about 20 gallons of water rush down from the tank to expedite the whole process! I mean really, it’s quite an ordeal for the first time! Oh and to top it off, all the stalls are made private by shower curtains, so if you’re lucky someone will come into the bathroom which will inevitably cause a breeze, throwing the shower curtain out about 2 feet and thus revealing you and all your glory during “private time”! Kinda makes ya wanna come for a weekend excursion, don’t it? This may have been too graphic for some, but most that know me, know that I’m not one for skipping any of the details…haha!! I couldn’t pass this story up….no way!

Before I go, I would like to just say that the project is going through a restructuring of how Fluor would like to run the project. That being said, I’ve been told that I’ll be leaving for another base on Wednesday, which is in the south at Tombstone (a.k.a. Camp Leatherneck). I’ll be sure and let everyone know that I’ve made it safely and things are good, once I get there.

Take care and Talk soon!